What is the Go-To-Excuse File?

Our Go-To-Excuse File contains patterns and automatic excuses that we can grab when we are facing something new, feeling unsure of ourselves, or offered opportunities that feel beyond our current capabilities. The excuse file is also used to keep life familiar, safe, and comfortable. If you look at the wonky charts in Leaving Shore (remember, a lot of me is on all those pages) you will likely be able to quickly identify the excuses that get the most mileage in your world. Your files may contain excuses that have been passed down for generations or were modeled in your childhood. Additionally, you may have fortified it with a layer of your customized excuses. Your friends and family are very likely aware of your typical excuses and frequently can predict which ones you’ll grab because they’ve heard them so many times. If you aren’t sure of the depth and breadth of your file, just ask someone who likes you and knows you well.  They can help you get a good list rather quickly.  

How does the Go-To-Excuse File work?

Let’s look at a common intention many of us have, such as caring for our body.  It might be about the food or fuel we give it. It might be about exercise or activity.  It might be about personal time and self care. When we have an active and versatile excuse file it can work for any flavor of this particular intention. Such as:

I am way too busy. I can’t add one more thing.  

I can start later or when things calm down.

This is my comfort food.

I am exhausted.

I need these treats to keep my spirits up.

Whatever. It doesn’t matter.

Grabbing an excuse soothes me when I’m ignoring what my body needs. It’s my attempt to calm my being. My excuses provide me with a reason for making my choice, telling my brain this is why you’re doing what you’re doing. By putting a reason in front of myself, I dampen the possibility that I will experience disequilibrium, uncertainty, or anxiety for making this choice. Sometimes I even announce my reason to justify my behavior. This may be a highly effective, artfully executed, and practiced performance. I know how to make people believe this excuse. When I use my excuses, I can temporarily make myself feel better, even though I’m making a choice that is probably not in my best interest. I have fortified myself with a reason. 

What happens when, despite our fear, we don’t grab a ready excuse?

Okay–Let’s go back to one of Barbara’s big braves–meeting with the editor for the first time. 

How might my life have been different if I hadn’t kept that appointment?

It is likely I wouldn’t have:

completed the course.

completed my degree.

discovered my somewhat unconventional writing process.

met my life-long editor and friend.

understood I could be a published writer.

It is likely I wouldn’t have written any books.

Think about it. I couldn’t have imagined this journey, or sharing my ideas in blogs and podcasts. SO—I am different because I faced my fear of meeting with the editor.  My life is richer in endless ways. My life purpose is further fulfilled because I write. I would have missed one of the great joys of my life–writing.

How might disruptors serve to help us begin dismantling our excuse file?

It’s not uncommon for a friend or an acquaintance who knows your excuse file well to offer a suggestion, or feedback, which can be a powerful disruptor. Although hard to hear, it’s often a gift. I listened as a man, yearning for a different life, repeatedly talked about going back to school but never looked into what would be required. He frequently verbalized his fears and excuses for his inaction. How was he going to fit school into his already busy schedule and still provide for his family? How would he pay for it? He hadn’t been a strong student, what made him think he could do this? Fortunately, a frustrated former mentor was fed up with these conversations and called him in for a meeting. His mentor sat him down, looked him in the eye and said, “It’s time to fish or cut bait. Quit talking about going on to school and do something about it”. 

This conversation helped him gather his courage and make some calls, despite his fears. To his surprise, there was an evening course he could afford. When he was ready to continue, he was informed there was financial assistance available. His enthusiasm and excitement were evident to everyone around him. Feeling energized by his career choice, he committed himself to being a student, despite an incredibly intense schedule. Not surprisingly, his boss adjusted his work schedule to accommodate school. Having the faith to take the initial steps while unsure of the outcome, opened his life to possibilities. 

Why would I want to dismantle my handy-dandy, highly effective Go-To-Excuse File?

Our excuses can serve to keep us in place and comfortable. Frequently, they contain exaggerated risks and fears. When you identify your well-rehearsed, high-mileage excuses, recognize them, and begin to hear yourself verbalize them, they start to lose their power. You can’t be in the driver’s seat of your life if you’re constantly taking the offramps of the excuse file. 

Consider being brave and pausing to listen when you give reasons to yourself, or others, justifying your choices. You know when you’re using excuses to avoid things that you want to do. It sounds paradoxical, but our trigger-happy excuse file is frequently utilized to prevent us from taking the steps towards the life we want. Remember, once identified, you will hear yourself giving an excuse and it is highly likely that it will begin to lose its power in your life.